You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up: This Week’s News

By Crystal Defatte

November 11th – November 18th

Trump Visits Vietnam 49 Years Too Late


This Sunday, Veteran’s Day, President Trump visited Vietnam to meet with seven vets who returned to the country to honor their fallen brothers in arms. Trump being Trump, he had to make a comment about how much the vets liked him, stating:

“I got to know them for a few minutes upfront, and they are definitely tough, smart cookies. We like them. I think they like me too.”

Why wouldn’t they like him? I mean, besides the five draft deferments, four of which were college deferments and one for bone spurs which he himself has referred to as a “temporary, minor” malady that had not had a meaningful impact on him, according to the New York Times. Trying to honor veterans of a war he himself desperately fought to avoid surely didn’t leave any veterans outraged. Oh, and besides the derision he gave Vietnam War hero Sen. John McCain back in 2015, claiming he was not, in fact, a war hero and that  “I like people who weren’t captured.” And then there was that time he was gifted a veteran’s Purple Heart, a medal awarded to those who are wounded or killed in combat, and stated how he had “always wanted a Purple Heart. This was much easier.” His shallow reaction to receiving such a gift couldn’t possibly enrage those who actually earned one. Oh, and then there was the time he attacked a Gold Star family… Hmmm… Maybe he shouldn’t assume the military loves him as much as he thinks.

Iowa Politicians React to Roy Moore’s Hebephilia/Ephebophilia Scandal


Roy Moore is the Republican candidate for Senator from the state of Alabama. He is also an accused hebephile/ephebophile. Although pedophilia is generally used as a blanket term for sexual attraction to children, hebephilia is the actual term for sexual attraction to children 11-14 years of age, while ephebophilia is the term for sexual attraction to children 15-19 years of age. Roy Moore has been accused of engaging in sexual contact with five different children ranging between the ages of 14 and 18 while he himself was in his 30’s. The woman who was 14 at the time claimed he took her to his house, undressed down to his underwear, undressed her down to her bra and underwear, touched her, and moved her hand to touch his underwear, which could have been sexual offenses due to her age, but the statutes of limitations in effect during that time have passed. The most recent victim to come forward was 16 at the time. During a press conference she described a violent sexual assault, stating:


“I tried fighting him off, while yelling at him to stop, but instead of stopping, he began squeezing my neck, attempting to force my head onto his crotch.”


She also stated that Moore warned her that “no one will believe you” if she were to tell anyone about the assault.


The self-described Christian conservative initially denied the accusations but seemed to contradict himself during an interview by Sean Hannity on Fox News by saying, “I’m not going to dispute anything, but I don’t remember anything like that. I don’t remember dating any girl without the permission of her mother.”


And how did Hannity respond later? By stating that the relationships were consensual. The age of consent in Alabama is 16. Hannity later explained that he only meant the ones with the 17 and 18-year-old girls were consensual, but that didn’t stop five of his sponsors from pulling out of their sponsorship deals.Keurig seems to be facing the most backlash for abandoning Hannity as conservatives across the country are uploading videos to social media showing themselves destroying their Keurig coffee machines, as if pulling out of a sponsorship deal is an inappropriate response to Hannity’s defense of an accused sexual predator. It only gets more bizarre from there. One Christian conservative, Alabama State Auditor Jim Zeigler, compared Moore’s actions to the marriage of the biblical Mary and Joseph.


“(T)ake Joseph and Mary,” Zeigler told the Washington Examiner. “Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus. There’s just nothing immoral or illegal here. Maybe just a little bit unusual.”


And perhaps the most disturbing response came in the form of a tweet.


pedophile in office


How did we get here indeed.


Not all republicans are coming to his defense. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Monday that the GOP is looking for a candidate to mount a write-in campaign against Moore, who handily defeated incumbent Sen. Luther Strange in September’s primary. “I believe the women, yes,” McConnell said, according to USA Today. Iowa’s own senators came out against Moore, with Sen. Chuck Grassley stating,


“He should step aside. The trouble is, if he agreed to step aside, his name is still on the ballot. People can still vote for him and he could get elected.”


Then, Grassley started trying to find Democratic parallels, because of course, he’s Chuck Grassley.

“I wish that we had a kind of a uniform view throughout Congress on this. But we had a Democratic senator for 54 years, I think he was, in the Senate, a former member of the Ku Klux Klan. That was never a big issue. Or President Clinton, his sexual harassment when he was president of the United States. That didn’t turn out to be a big deal. And I think things like that should be a big deal.”


Sen. Joni Ernst simply stated,“If the allegations are true, he needs to step aside,” according to her staff on Monday. Not exactly a strong condemnation, but considering the source, I’ll take it.

I know what you’re all thinking though, “What does Trump fanboy Rep. Steve King think of all this?”. Well, he seems to only care about the Trump agenda and somehow made the story about that, tweeting: “Judge Roy Moore told to withdraw by Senators who won’t or can’t help move Trump agenda.” Because when given an opportunity to come out against something as depraved as sexual assault of a child, King will ignore said opportunity and use it to defend Trump, whether it’s relevant or even follows a coherent thought path.  





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